Thursday, May 7, 2009

Demetri Martin II

I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said "If you need anything, I'm Jill." I've never met someone with a conditional identity before.

If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

I love women, but I feel like I can't trust some of them. Some of them are liars, you know? Like I was in the park and I met this girl. She told me her dog's name. Then I said, "Does he bite?" She said no. And I said, "Oh yeah? Then how does he eat? Liar."

A quick way to start a conversation is to say something like "what's your favorite color?" A quick way to end a conversation is to say something like "what's your favorite color... person?"

I was on the street. This guy waved to me, and he came up to me and said, "I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." And I said, "I am."

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