I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time." So I ordered French toast in the Renaissance.
- Stephen Wright
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. Now she's 97 and we don't know where the heck she is.
- Ellen Degeneres
Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever, we would live forever, but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Contrary to popular belief, "Damn it" is not God's last name.
- Philadelphia construction wall, 1969
Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?
- Mork, Mork and Mindy
It matters not whether you win or lose, it matters whether I win or lose.
- Darrin Weinberg
Lady Astor: "Mr. Churchill, you're drunk!" Winston Churchill: "Yes, and you, Madam, are ugly. But tomorrow I shall be sober."
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